Boobies

This is my new bee hive. I know you might be thinking. . .that's not very funny. But in actuality there are two things that are kind of funny about it. I'll get into it now. This is an ancient method of keeping bees, called top bar bee keeping. The Greeks used it. I love the ancient Greeks, so I thought, hey this is for me. It also helped that the hive is beautiful! It is made of reclaimed lumber by this guy in Malibu who makes these hives to order. I think they are great. I also think the name of his business is great! I think it is super funny. He makes these bee boxes in Malibu. So the name of his business is. . .BuBees. If you want one of these hives, and you should, contact him at www.bubees.com. 

I think a funny thing to do would be to email him late at night to place an order. And hopefully--if you are lucky--your girlfriend, wife, husband, boyfriend or whatever will wake up and see you are on the computer. Hopefully they will say, what are you doing? That will be your cue to get all fidgety and defensive. Be antagonistic. If you play your cards right here, you can get in a fight. Say: "It's none of your business!" That will really spark their curiosity. And if you are really lucky, they will start yelling. Then you say: "I'm on bubees.com, okay?" And they will be like, what! And explain to them it is Malibu Bees.com. They will be like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then just explain you are looking at bee hives. But here's the twist! And this only goes for the guys out there. If you want to make this really funny, try to get an erection while you are on bubees.com. Your girlfriend or wife WILL think you are definitely lying about the bee hive thing! The erection will really make you look guilty! It will be great, I promise! Explain that it was all an elaborate joke, and you wanted to trick them. They will say, "That's not funny" and "You're insane." But deep down it will be the funniest thing ever and it will become their favorite story to tell to their girlfriends. I should say, in order for this to work, it is important to go to bubees.com and not boobies.com--you're really missing the point of the joke if you do that.

The other funny thing about me having this hive is my enthusiasm to handle the bees without taking adequate safety precautions or knowing anything about bees at all. I really don't need to write a lot about how this is funny. Just use your imagination. I'm working with bees and I know nothing about them! Well, I do know one thing: DO NOT PRETEND YOU ARE A BEAR. Seems obvious in retrospect. But in reality, when you are faced with bees in real life, you do want to pretend you are Winnie the Pooh. It was a strong urge in me. I couldn't fight it. Learn from my mistakes. If you do buy a BuBees box--bees really do hate bears, even cool ones like Winnie the Pooh! Who knew! http://bubees.com/bubees/Home.html