Story of the real wooden pig

So about seven years ago I was in the Philippines with my sweet and wonderful girlfriend at the time, Rosie. We had flown to this sliver of an island with an opalescent coastline. The island, besides being beautiful, also had what was considered to be the best restaraunt in the Philippines. We had been there about two days when I said, "Tonight, I'm taking you to the nicest restaurant in the country. Wear your fanciest dress." Now in any other country in the world I would not have said that to Rosie, because she took her dressing up dead seriously. But I thought: we are here in the middle of nowhere, right next to Borneo, she doesn't have access to her wardrobe or her hair devices, she will dress down. Oops. Apparently she had packed a beautiful yellow gown in case they moved the Academy Awards to the Philippines that night and Rosie was asked to present. Her hair and make up were perfect. She was prepared. 

When it was time to go, we walked out our hotel doors and everyone was dumbstruck by her beauty. I tried getting a motorcycle taxi, but there were none. So we decided to walk...through a what I can only describe as a trash slum. I could feel Rosie wedging her body up next to mine as if she wanted to hide in me. The attention she garnered at first quickly turned into something scary. Little men with no teeth and no shirts started to jeer and holler at her. She started to cry on my neck. I never showed it, but I was afraid there too for a little while. We got to the restaurant on time and it really was amazing. After dinner we strolled outside. This time I was getting us a taxi. Next to the restaurant was a little shop that sold wood carvings. I bought her some little boats. She bought me a wooden pig.