No competition

I have been receiving a lot of emails asking me what I'm going to do. This is not a new problem at all. I have been dealing with this for years now. They just started a new campaign again, that's all. So people are aware of the problem again. I get emails all the time saying, "Sue him, do something. It's just not right." Well, folks, I can't sue him. He is just an actor. I would need to sue the company and get a cease and desist order. I could do that I guess. It would be an open and shut case for sure. 

But I think it is pretty clear he is not the most interesting man in the world anyway. The most interesting man in the world does not drink cheap Mexican beer. The most interesting man in the world accidentally drank a pitcher of mohito mix and rum without mixing it with carbonated water once, because nobody told him it hadn't been mixed yet. The most interesting man in the world fell asleep in a fireplace that night at his friend's birthday party.

Their version of the most interesting man in the world is a matador. Big deal. I got attacked by a monkey with an erection in the forest near Borneo once.  I didn't even have a red cape to incite that horny monkey like a matador would have. I improvised like a true man. And it was very interesting. I shrieked at that monkey, and hit him with my beloved sandwich that I had made that day to eat in the forest for a snack. Making sacrifices is what interesting men do. He's always fencing in those commercials. That is not interesting. That is boring. Why not just have the most interesting man in the world play backgammon if you really want to push the lame angle. You know what's interesting? Eating bad cuttle fish from a street vendor in China, feeling sick and running home only to lose control of your bowels in a crowded elevator with a bunch of gossipy old ladies. Those ladies never stopped talking about me and the time I crapped in an elevator with them. Why did they always talk about it? Because it was the most interesting thing in the world to them. That's why.  

Why does he always say, "Stay thirsty, my friends"? I don't tell my friends to "stay hungry" or to "stay sleepy." Instead, I say, "Hey, you look hungry. Do you want to go get some barbecue, buddy? I'm buying, pal." And if my friend looks thirsty I'd be like, "Hey, you okay? You want a Gatorade or something?" I'm compassionate like that, you see? That's how interesting men do it.